A white Christmas: 4-5" of snow this morning. Blue sky peaking through clouds. And that tourquoise! Trees heavy with a thick gift of winter crystals. Making it through until Spring is a leap of faith, Christmas, poetry, painting, any creative art. Last night a friend, the owner of the art gallery where I'm showing some of my work, was talking about artists and their bio's. How, so many say "inspired by nature." And, of course, how could we not be? Nature is the mystery. The wonder we all carry within our hearts. Life is a Leap of Faith. And we lay prostrate in front of it. Eat of the pixelated branches, breath in the stars and their dust.
And, as an artist, I have that sense of wonder and abandonment every time I sit before an easel. I get intimidated by the pure space of possibility. And, If I "try" to paint something, I have nature's voice to deal with. So, I begin a painting by adding colors with a large pallet knife, spraying with water, smoothing more colors, drawing with pens or pasting paper. Throwing paint at that mystery that I'm trying to drop into - letting the canvas work it's magic, tell me what is needed. Listening, deep listening, is where an image lies, within the fractured lines and textures of the paint. That's how I was gifted "Leap of Faith."
I wonder what is the imagined "correct" way to speak of ones process? How can one fully communicate about something so esoteric? The intent? The meaning? It is much like poetry, or music, reaching, always reaching for the mortality of a miracle. All of ones history is becomes part of the quest, all of ones reaching, the beauty, the suffering wounds, the stunning deer, the heart breaking flight of the owl through snowy night. Or the sparrow's babies, dead in the nest from insufferable heat. The wonder the deep love of the heart.
For me, painting is like waking every morning, walking to the edge of a cliff and taking that first step off the edge, hoping that a stepping stone will rise to craddle me, and then the next step, and the next. And it can not be helped. I can not stop myself from going to that edge. There is something of the devine mystery in the adventure. Then letting it all go. Trying again. Each time, maybe, finding a puzzel piece.
Of course, this is just me finding my way. My prayers for beauty. My prayers for humanity and nature to find peace and balance.
The most exhilarating feeling is knowing that a canvas I'm working on, is not working, or I'm working too hard at it. And then, taking my favorite colors and painting over it!!! Throwing paint at it. It is utterly fresh and bright. My mind clear.
